For the Dads among us.

A careful man I want to be –
a little fellow follows me.
I do not dare to go astray,
for fear he’ll go the self-same way.
I cannot once escape his eyes.
Whatever he sees me do he tries.
Like me he says he’s going to be –
that little chap who follows me…
He knows that I am big and fine –
And believes in every word of mine.
The base in me he must not see –
that little chap who follows me…
But after all it’s easier,
that brighter road to climb,
With little hands behind me –
to push me all the time.
And I reckon I’m a better man
than what I used to be…
Because I have this lad at home
who thinks the world of me.

~Anonymous

A New Excitement

Men,

Have you ever had something that you have prayed and worked for come true? For the last 5 years, Laura (my wife) and I have fought one of the hardest battles a couple can fight, infertility. We’ve been to doctors. We’ve tried diets. We’ve had all the tests. Most of all, we have prayed and had friends and family praying. Yet we had had no breakthroughs. After five years, we had no progress to show. Last February, we were on the verge of quitting. We were war weary. We were tired of the fight, tired of counting days and taking temperatures. We were tired of sex being a chore instead of a bonding joy. To put it simply, we just took some time off. We stopped worrying about when things were happening or what we needed to be doing. We stopped trying to take everything into our own hands.

For those of you who have been in this same battle, know that I pray for you daily. Know that God is faithful and you will experience His plan for you, even if it’s not your plan for you. Don’t read this as me promising He will give you children according to your prayers, but if He wants you to have children, He will bring them to you. This could be biological. Or he could use adoption. Who knows? He does.

On April 1st, Laura and I found out that she is pregnant. We found out that she got pregnant about the time when we just took a break from the fight. God stepped up when we stepped aside. I have been overjoyed, but we had decided not to tell anyone. Because of this, I stepped back from writing because everything I wanted to write revealed this amazing news. I hope you all understand.

Until the Whole World Knows,

Paul

 

Oh, and here’s one of Connor’s first pictures! This is 12wks5days and is about a week ago. We learned that he is a boy on Saturday.

If you are battling with or have battled with infertility, please leave a comment or send me an email so I can be praying for you. paul@hardcore-christian.com

 

I need you

I believe we are called to live in our brokenness and not hide from it. Yet it is far to common to act like we have it altogether.  We project images of a great life; we set the stage and tone for others to believe that our life has no flaws.  Our biggest fear lies in others finding out all those secrets we keep hidden about who we really are inside.  The tape plays over and over inside our head – “If anyone really knew these things about you, they would want nothing to do with you.  You are the worst sinner.  You are despicable.  What you deal with, no one else is.  Your just a mess.”  Sadly we believe that tape speaks the truth.

I let that tape play out far to long.  I was not shy about letting others know I followed Christ. I wore t-shirts, listened to the music and bought all the paraphernalia, proudly shoving it in their face.  I made it look good all around.  Yet what was happening at home was a different story.  I lived a very different life, one I was not proud of and kept hidden from others.

I lied, cheated and stole. I downloaded images into my brain that may never leave.  I used others for my own selfish gain.  I spewed words from my mouth I can never take back.  I wished people were dead and I treated some like they were.  I cut ties with people out of frustration and anger.  I enjoyed sabotaging others and talking badly about them.  All of my teens and most of my adult life has been about making really horrible choices.  The worst part being I professed living a Christian life, serving as a leader in church and what I told demonstrated and told others didn’t speak of God changing my heart.  At least not for a very long, long time.

It came to a head when all of my choices now meant I risk losing my family or deal with an addiction out of control.  I began admitting I was tired, worn out and couldn’t keep up the image anymore.  I was mentally and physically exhausted from trying so hard to pretend.  I found some guys, started peeling back the layers and being brutally honest about all I was thinking and dealing with.  It was in those moments amidst anger and tears where I discovered these guys weren’t going to leave me. They didn’t kick me to the curb; instead they loved me in spite of myself.  They loved me, despite all the garbage I shared and stuck beside me as I walked me to a place of healing I had never experienced.

I remember how love in the form of others changed me.  It was through those men that I was able to begin putting words to my story, sharing how I was broken and I saw God working through it.  It gave me the courage to begin sharing my story with others, accepting I was broken and couldn’t do it on my own.  I needed others to walk alongside me.

Since that time I have attempted to live a life of transparency.  Being honest about my struggles and the questions that swim around inside my head.  I still make mistakes and I sill mess up, sadly more than I wish.  I have continued to pray and seek out other guys I can share life with, making ourselves available night or day.

As I continue to pursue relationships where I bare my soul and go deep I often get to a place where I believe they don’t see me as having struggles any longer.  I have somehow gotten past it and have moved forward deepening my walk with Christ.  When I have set backs and I go back to some of my old ways it is then, that I often feel like I can’t be honest and say, you know what, I messed up again. I think to myself, just keep quiet.  You don’t want to look like you are going backwards.  They think you are doing well and you don’t want to prove them wrong.  Just stay quiet and unless someone asks don’t share what’s going on. Meanwhile I pull back, continue to suffer silently once again.

THAT IS RIDICULOUS THINKING

I was having a conversation this past week with a friend who asked why I had been so quiet as of late and why we hadn’t talked.  It was in that discussion where I realized the truth of what I just explained. We both admitted we were guilty of the same conclusion.

I needed that conversation, it was a great reminder – pulling away and masking it, never has and never will work.  We need each other. We are broken, that won’t change this side of heaven.  We need others who are willing to walk through life with us and help us up when we fall down.  We need community where we can share and be ok with our messy lives.

We need to stop pretending, admit when we are failing and be ok with that.  If I have to call my brothers a hundred times and tell them I am struggling, so be it.  The burden falls on the rest of us to help carry those who are weaker and sometimes that means a lot of carrying.

The conversation I had with my friend was also a good reminder of how I want to be living my life.  How I want to set the tone and stage to make it easier for others.  Those are the conversations that remind me of why I need you.

Communion robbed by sin

Sometimes things are going well and I feel lime my life is in order.  I am going about my day moving, getting things accomplished, checking off the to do list, engaging well with others and pursuing God with all of my heart.  From the outside looking at me I’ve been told I come across as being organized, structured, disciplined and determined.

Often it feels as though it was more just an outward appearance than what was really going on internally.  I was a wreck – angry, bitter, feeling alone and all I could do to keep it together.  I was going to explode if the right person said or did that one thing to set me off.  I chose to let it all come out at home with my wife and kids.  Unfairly, they are the ones who received the brunt of my release. Adding to my personal frustration was now that I needed to go and apologize once again and make things right.

The more I have pursued wanting nothing but Jesus, the more it seems like I fall into various temptations and trials.  The more I practice surrendering each and every day, the harder it becomes.  Nevertheless my heart is still wanting and desirous of communing with God.  At times I do well battling the war, other times I fall flat on my face and give into temptations.  It’s in giving into those temptations where much of my anger and frustration comes from and really geared towards myself, for my choices and failures to follow God the way I know I should.

When it comes down to it, at the core it is rebellion, plain and simple.  I am making a choice to believe the lies and go against what I know God does not want me to take part in.  I’ve made that choice and know I have distanced myself from God.  I know that I need to run back to him. Grace is there, but often I have used it to excuses and justify my actions. True repentance must occur and I need to go back to putting God first.

I have begun to realize I lack in a lot of disciplines I used to make a regular practice.  Reading my Bible and praying I do almost every day.  Things such as fasting, being quiet and listening for God to speak, Sabbath, tithing and earnestly praying are not things I have done inconsistently.  While I have done many of them often times I do it just to go through the motions.  It is not really a discipline or practice, it’s just an activity.

I have failed to do many of those things more times than I can count.  It comes down to taking my eyes of Jesus, allowing other things to become more important than him.  Despite my best efforts, when I don’t seek him first in all I do, I get lazy, apathetic and chose not to practice the very things that are essential to my spiritual health, which in turn affects all other areas of my health – mentally and physically.

The distractions of this world will always remain and I can easily get caught up in them.  When I chose to put God back in the place he belongs my heart softens, my body relaxes, the tension releases and joy is restored to my life.  I have nothing to be ashamed of or hide and I don’t have to carry around the weight of my sin.  God does offer that when we come to him.

Trials are always going to be there.  It doesn’t get easier, but I know that I have made a lot of it harder because I chose to fill my life with things that took me away from God instead of drawing close and clinging to him.  As I move forward my choice to fully surrender and fully give myself to him is what I want more than anything else.  Everything else has left me empty and drained and that is not the life I want.

Ever Widening Gap

When I had turned 18, had graduated high school and was ready to start my life.  That involved getting a job, finding an apartment, purchasing a car and having all the responsibilities that come with that.  Since I moved out of the town my parents lived, I was now in the city and experiencing a life that was different.  I could make all my own decisions and I was responsible for no one but myself.  It was the freedom I had been talking about and dreaming of for years.

At that time making money was the most important thing, supporting myself took precedence over a church I could belong to.  I was able to find one and I attended for a while but money became my ultimate God.  I stopped attending and continued working 1 – 2 jobs to support myself even after college and up until my wife and I were dating.  By this time I had moved a few times, found a regular Monday – Friday job and was able to again begin attending church.

When I finally found a church I could call home and began getting involved I noticed their seemed to be a lot of retired men and women attending.  There was a mix of both young and old, but the older folks kept to themselves and didn’t interact much with folks my age or younger.  At that point the last thing I wanted was some older person telling me how to live my life or what to do and that mindset continued for many years.

Since then I have been involved in a variety of churches and I have come to see the same thing.  The gap between young adults and senior citizen is widening year by year.  Somehow we have failed to connect both generations.  There is a bridge that needs to be built and yet I see very few trying to accomplish this.  I understand as young adults, we as men believe we have it all figured out.  We have all the answers and the last thing we need is someone telling us how to live our lives.  I am well aware, because I believed this to be true for myself.  I also understand from older folks, they feel they are intruding and have nothing in common with the younger generation.  Both sides have fears and it is those fears that keep the two generations from being united.

At some point late in my 30’s I began to see the foolishness of my thinking. I missed some wonderful opportunities to share in the life of an older man or couple and gain wisdom on how to conduct myself, raise kids and be a better husband.  My wife and I started discussing this and both agreed we need to find a couple or individuals who we could build relationships with and allow them to speak into our lives and provide us with insights and wisdom from their own life experiences.  So we began praying, I prayed continually God would connect me with the right man.  After several years and attempts to connect I am happy to say our prayers have been answered.  We have met an older couple and each week for over a year I have been meeting with an older man.  The times we connect with these folks are such good times and we feel as though we have benefited greatly.

We are still lacking in so many ways as a body.  There is so much to learn from those who have already been down those roads.  To sit and listen as they share about their lives, hear stories and understand life lessons experienced speaks volumes.   We are not too old to have them be part of our lives.  As younger men and women we need realize our foolishness in thinking we have our lives all figured out.  We may have had parents who failed us, hurt us and left us with wounds; however we can allow the love from God to be experienced through an older generation who needs to pour out their love on others.

Please know this those of you that are 50 and over, you are needed.  You may have no one in your life and yet there are younger people who need you.  You may feel like you have nothing to contribute, you will be in the way or you just aren’t able to relate.  You can relate in more ways than you know.  You have plenty to contribute, you have life experiences and you are needed to impact the future generations, even if you didn’t make good choices early on, you can use those as examples of wisdom learned.

My hope is the body will purposely find ways to break down the walls.  Create ways to engage both.  Ask retired men and women to help out in the Youth Groups, speak at events, serve, and pair them up with young couples about to enter into marriage and starting families. (You know they have the time).  Create ways for younger aged folks to celebrate and serve.  Invite them over to your homes for holidays, events at school or just to hang out and play games or watch a movie.

As I get older I don’t want to settle into a life of feeling like I am not important, valuable or have something to offer.  Part of the reason I stepped into the role of a Youth Pastor years ago was my love of kids and the energy they held.  That excited me and pushed me forward.  I have no plans to settle as I get older, but to find ways to continually invest in others, both young and old.  How are you helping to close the gap on the generations?

You Got Served

Jesus explained in Matthew 20:21-28 and again in Mark 10:35-45 that anyone wanting to be great would have to be the least.  Jesus did not come to be served but to serve.  Jesus modeled this in all he did.  Eventually he did so by dying the horrible death of crucifixion to endure the weight of our sins.

When Jesus walked the earth he didn’t do it in grand splendor we would think deserving of a king.  He hung around prostitutes, tax collectors, lepers and various other folks who no one wanted anything to do with.  He ate with them, spent time engaging with them.

Jesus wasn’t troubled with looks or acquiring status.  He was comfortable in his own skin and knew what mattered was what goes on inside our hearts.  One of the supreme examples of serving someone can be found at the last supper.  Jesus washes the disciple’s feet.  He gets down on his hands and knees and washes their feet.  To me that is exceptionally humbling.  I don’t care for feet and the last thing I want to do is touch someone’s feet.  To lower myself and wash someone’s feet would be a big deal.  I’ve been on a retreat before where I actually washed another person’s feet.  At one point during one of my wife’s pregnancies I washed her feet, rubbed lotion on them and massaged them.  For me to move past my intense dislike of feet and actually do this was truly done out of love.

Leadership is something we strive for.  To lead, reign or rule means one way or another you have established you have what it takes to lead others.  Many get into positions of power because all they can see is a title or a position with the ability to command others.  This goes entirely against the model Jesus presents for us.  He came to serve others without expecting anything in return.

I believe as men we are called to lead through serving.  We are to be an example with our words and actions of what it means to serve others.  This means serving the needs of my wife and kids.  Often I have to check my motives.  I come home from work and find the house isn’t cleaned the way I expected.  Chores haven’t been done, laundry needs to be folded, dinner still needs to be made and a kid needs someone to hear what they have to say.  I can come in and start demanding things get done right away and begin telling everyone what needs to be done.  I can complain, roll my eyes and sigh loudly.  OR – I can walk in, lovingly greet everyone and begin tackling what needs to be done.

I sit in positions of leadership in other areas of my life.  I have stepped into those roles with the mindset of serving others.  My mindset is when I have it in my ability to do good; I will do just that.  I want others to feel like they are seen and heard, hear beyond the words they speak and catch a glimpse into their heart.  Part of my belief is also reminding myself that in order to serve others I must never think highly of myself.

Serving others may mean I have to dust, mop and put laundry away.  It may mean I have to pick up the trash lying around my neighborhood, spending time talking to someone when I have something else I need to do.  There are so many ways in which serving others allows us to disregard our egos, humble ourselves and do what is needed with a positive attitude.  When we serve the needs of others, we begin to demonstrate the love Jesus has for all of us.  Serving others with no expectations may not make you the ruler of an empire, but it will be the place in which your actions back up your words and you set an example that is contagious.

Whose stuff is it?

We live in a land of optimal wealth.  We have more than most of the world.  If you have ever been to a third world country your eyes will be opened to just how much we really have.  Not only do we have more than we need, but we have an over abundance.  Most of us don’t have to worry about where our next meal is coming from, what clothes we are going to wear tomorrow or what we are going to do this weekend.  We have a multitude of choices and are never at a loss for things to do.

All that we possess and have been given is a gift from God.  The food, home, cars and clothing, trinkets, books and games all have been provided to you as gifts from God.   God has placed us in this time and place for his purpose.  That his glory may shine through us.  That we may demonstrate him to those around us and be a reflection of him.  All that we have has been provided by him for this very purpose.

1 Timothy 6:6-10 – But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. Those who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.

Often times we get caught up in thinking and believing this is my stuff.  I own it, I worked hard for it and it belongs to me.  Unfortunately, that is not the case.  We need to be wise and take care of this things God has entrusted us with.  I look around my house and realize that my 6 kids are very spoiled.  They have more than they need and often times that is a problem.  They have too much and in doing so, don’t take care of what they have.  I often find toys, books and games scattered around our house and no one wants to be responsible for picking them up.  It gets to the point where I end up giving things away because my kids won’t be responsible with what they have despite how much we talk about it.

Since I grew up poor, everything I planned or dreamed of centered around making a lot of money and doing whatever I wanted. When I was in my 20’s I was all about spending money right and left and acquiring things to make me feel good.  To feel like I belonged and was important.  My wife and I fell into this trap early on in our marriage and I continued to do this well into my 30’s until one day God convicted me that none of it belonged to me.  Everything I had was his and I needed to change my focus and attitude.

1 Timothy 6:17-19 – Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment. Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share. In this way they will lay up treasure for themselves as a firm foundation for the coming age, so that they may take hold of the life that is truly life.

Since God has convicted me it has completely changed my view and how I live.  In all honesty I still have moments where I can be selfish and not want to share; God’s still working on me.  However, for the most part I prefer to live a simple life, with minimal “things”, but want to be able to provide for anyone who has a need that I can help with.  My wife and I have made it a policy to have an open home and allow most anyone to stay with us, use our things, ask for money or whatever need you have that we can assist with we will provide and we expect nothing in return.  I continually want to be a blessing to others and be able to use my time, money and talents to bless those around me.  I believe this is what God has called us to do. When all is said and done and our time on earth is over, those things we have accumulated will fade and eventually turn to dust and ultimately be destroyed.

When you are asked by someone else to use something of yours, how is your attitude? Are you willing to freely let them use it or are you stingy?

Have your cake and eat it too

The culture in which we live continually entices us to engage in activities that as they claim will fulfill us.  Test, take, eat, drive and just do it.  Everywhere you turn ads. Commercials and merchandising are specifically designed to  target and speak to the person inside.  The person we could or should be.  That fun, exciting, happy person who is just waiting to get out and take part in all the world has to offer.

Satan lies and I believe these messages are meant to distract us from the truth.  Christ has called us to die to ourselves in Luke 9:23 – And he said to all, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.”

To die to ourselves means to come before Christ, surrender and admit we need him to take the reigns, guide and direct our steps.  To take our life and allow him to change it.  Is it easy, maybe for some, but for most of us, it’s a daily battle.  To surrender daily and allow Christ to take over is difficult.  We think we have it all figured out and can manage on our own.  The truth is, when we die to ourselves and God begins to reveal what’s really going on inside you begin to see just how selfish you really are.  You begin to see how much of what we do is focused and centered on self.

Philippians 2: 1-3 – So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, …

Having our cake and eating it too is more of a practice in gluttony and self-indulgence.  Consuming all that you want, doing whatever you want so that you can be happy.   Using others for our own gain at not point does it stop to put the needs of someone else before yours.

Jesus came to serve the needs of others, he spent his life on earth living for something more than himself.  He was in constant contact with his father.  He was obedient to death upon a cross.  As I look at myself and countless others we fall short of this.  So much of my life has been taken up by consuming other(s) and things, which makes me incredibly sad.  It has not been the life God has called me to.

When we begin to die to ourselves daily and conform to the image of Christ, we begin to have the same mindset and view life from a larger perspective. We begin to see that God offers us something much sweeter.   In what ways do you need to stop having your cake and eating it too?

 

New Testament Men >=< Modern Men?

Last time I mentioned a few men from the Old Testament that we like to hold up as “Men” and as role models; and everyone fell short of God’s glory, falling short of the ideal we have for “Men”. Now, lets look at some New Testament “Men”. For those of you who like to skip ahead, Jesus will be at the end of this list, but the ones in between here and there are a good reminder for us.

I want to frame this a little bit, before launching into calling the men out. With no exception, these men were alive in Israel while Jesus was teaching. They heard of His miracles and His message. Every one of them know the Torah and Pentateuch better than most of us even imagine knowing the Bible. These guys could quote line and verse, tell you a lesson or message for almost any situation. They were also the norm, not the abnormal. These guys knew what they were watching out for when the Messiah returned.

And they all knew something different.

I’m not going to dissect what they expected of him now, just understand that it takes a lot more… and a lot less… than knowing scripture to know and follow Jesus.

On to the men:

Peter (everyone knew he was coming first!) – A fisherman with Andrew. Loud-mouthed and impulsive. Loyal to Jesus until His capture, and then he turned, only to come back and repent to the risen Christ, becoming the “rock” Christ built the Church on and healing with his touch.

Thomas – The doubter. An inquisitive man who needed to feel and touch, to see and believe, not just to hear. Placed his hands in Christs wounds to believe that it was truly Him.

John – A son of thunder! Followed Jesus for the glory that would surely come from it, and was changed by the walk. Author of scripture and the one loved by Jesus. Recipient of the Revelation.

Saul/Paul – Zealot who was most likely present at Jesus’ trial and conviction. Likely witness of Christ’s crucifixion. Hunter and killer of Christ followers. Striken blind to become the witness of Christ to “all nations”. (Followed the Great Commission!)

Barnabas – Mentor, teacher, witness with Paul on his missionary journeys, stubborn in his beliefs.

Luke – Doctor, Chronicler and Reporter, Scholar who studied and shared Christ’s word with us.

The list could keep going, but the key is that every one of these men, even while in the presence of Jesus, fell short of the image He gave them (and us).

Jesus is the image of man that we must all aspire to be. I’m not talking about looking like him. I’m not saying that we need to spend three years walking and preaching in Israel. What I am saying is that Jesus showed us how to be a man. jesus showed us how to be a brother to each other and to Him. Jesus showed us how to be a Father, a Husband, and a Son; though He only held one of these titles. Jesus was strong, and wise, and smart, and forgness, and love, and peace, and power, and a million other things. Things that you and I can only be an echo of. But things we must be an echo of.

Next week, I’m going to launch into this series, discussing qualities of a “Man” from both biblical and cultural views. In the meantime, let me give you some words to think about in relationship to yourself and the men you hold up as examples:

Strong

Brash

Powerful

Wise

Learned

Able

Loving

Caring

Angry

Macho

Studious

Tough

God

Until the Whole World Knows,

Paul

Tossing out the truth

God’s words, which were written by men and provided to us through the Bible have always been and will always remain truth.   The problem we have with this is that is challenges our beliefs and thinking.  It rubs us the wrong way and often times frustrate us in how we want to live our life.   As it states in 2 Timothy 3:16-17 – ¹⁶ All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, ¹⁷ so that the servant of God^[a] may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.

Lately is seems there is a trend occurring within the body of believers for people to identify and refer to themselves as Liberal Christians.  That’s an interesting term and concept in my opinion.  I’ve seen many who refer to themselves in these terms discount parts of scripture as not being truth and affirm sinful patterns and behaviors as being ok.  As it says in 2 Timothy, all scripture, which means, all that God has given us in his word is truth.  If God calls it sin, then we must align ourselves with that and call it sin as well.  I don’t believe at any time anyone can take part of scripture and throw it out and say that doesn’t apply to us today.

Does this challenge my thinking, absolutely?  As I read the word of God, I have to check myself and evaluate my heart, motives and actions.  It is easy to be deceived by the world.  Satan is excellent at deception and I have been caught up in the lies he feeds to many times.  In this sense, it is imperative that we be grounded in his word so that we can align ourselves with his truth and call Satan out on his lies.

Truth is always going to push buttons, offend and divide people.  While I am continue to work out my faith daily, I believe the only real way this is accomplished is through reading his word and making sure I line myself up with what he has called us to do.  I do believe as followers of Jesus Christ it is imperative we be in the word and allowing it to shape and change our lives.  I also believe that we need to be bold in our faith and how it’s lived out.  We can’t allow the word of God to be tossed out or discarded – every word that is in the Bible is there for a reason.

Do you consider the Bible to be the word of God? Have you chosen to disregard part(s) of scripture?  How does the word of God impact your life and views as you live in this world?